and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
