You're my little dorito
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also, beer. Big fan.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
