Can i not drive my cunt home
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
