You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
