Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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