I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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