I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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