He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
