Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
