Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
