: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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