What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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