Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
