Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
