My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
