i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
