White coat. Heels.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
