I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
