That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
