GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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