I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
