I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she peed on how many people?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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