So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
