Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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