if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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