i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
