I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
