I think I won the penis lottery.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
