I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
lol hangovers are for mortals.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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