Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
