I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
