WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
