You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
