I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
