Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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