And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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