And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
