im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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