Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
