Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They have beer where we have blood.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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