please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
