I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
