I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
