Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Success! We fucked roommates!
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