I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
