we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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