At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
