Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
