U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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