go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
